Tricks You Won't Teach Your Dog

The one trick I will never teach Mr. N is "limp." It always drives me into a tizzy whenever I see him limping (usually because he has something caught in his paw). And someone has already learned that limping means attention. He started fake limping once in class when he felt like I wasn't paying attention to him. I don't need more unnecessary panic in my life.

I've heard of conformation people not teaching "sit," people with long-backed dogs not teaching "sit pretty," not teaching "play dead" because it's too morbid and big dog people not teaching rebound and back stalls because really do you want a 70-pound dog trying to bounce off your stomach?

A trick I do want to teach him that a lot of people refuse to teach is "speak." He alerts barks and play barks but he's not one of those dogs that is enthralled with the sound of their own voice or alerts to every falling leaf. And he will generally shush when I tell him to so I'm not worried that I'm going to create a barking monster.

You can't make me bark when I don't want to.

But when I actually want him to bark, he refuses. I sometimes think that he thinks it's rude to bark without a good reason. I've tried everything I can think of. I've played animal noises on Youtube to see if he will react. I've made various high-pitched noises at him. I've teased him with a treat and refused to give it to him to see if he will bark out of frustration (he thinks it's very rude and will go away and turn his back to me).

I fake knocked at the door and had other people try it as well. A trainer suggested that method when I told him about it. I told him Mr. N can distinguish between real knocking at the door and fake knocking and doesn't react to the fake noise. I don't think the trainer believed me. He tried knocking where Mr. N couldn't see and Mr. N was not impressed.

Nada. If anyone has any brilliant ideas, I'm all ears.

What do you refuse to teach your dog? And why?